Memon community known for its entreprenueral skills and philanthropic tendencies forms a notable community in our society. With names like, Abdullah Haroon, Abdul Sattar Edhi, Aqeel Dhedhi, Hussain Lawai, Farooq Sattar, etc. the members of this relatively small community have shown their imminent presence in the country's political as well social landscape. Memons are majorly immigrants from India and hail from Gujrat and UP province. The community is further divided into many sub castes which are normally named after the villages they came from. Bantva is a small village in the Gujrat province of India and the migrants from that region form the sub caste Bantva Memons. I hail from the Bantva Memon Community.
The community although comprising small population has beenfairly influential and organized in its activities. Since most immigrants initially settled in old Karachi, the community had high concentrations in Kharadarand Mithdar areas. The Jamat House of Bantva Jamat is still located in the old city where Jodia Bazar, Cloth Market etc formed economic bases of memons. The Jamat forms a strong institution in the community where all social matters are dealt. The extent of its systemization can be explained from the fact that every month the Jamat issues a magazine which gives a list of marriages, engagements and births in the community. It has a student loan scheme, a dispute resolution body and a registration system. Similar to the tribal systems of Pashtuns and Balochs the Jamat has its own code of conduct and a fairly established system of rules and laws that mostly transcend national laws of the country.
The laws, it is claimed, are in accordance with the Shariaand therefore it becomes a moral and somewhat religious obligation for many members of the Jamat to follow its decree. The case in point is the laws concerning marriages. Like most Pakistanis, the jamat still beleives in the concept of dowry. A tradition that was brought from across the border, and with almost no Islamic endorsement, dowry forms one of the biggest concerns for the people. Interestingly Bantva Jamat is unique and if I may be a little honest, decadent, in its approach towards this tradition. Let me explain why. In addition to the furniture, jewelry, utensils, appliances, wardrobe etc. that form a standard dowry, the people of Bantva Jamat have a practice of giving an entire house in dowry. Yes, in the age of high property prices and low economic opportunities a daughter in law is expected to bring a fully furnished house (usually an apartment) as a dowry. Although this practice is now relatively less prevalent, the sad truth is that it still exists. This practice of course only exists in what we call 'arranged marriages', but the phenomenon itself makes aninteresting case.
Arranged marriages are usually arranged by lady marriage brokers. Without any formal office these women work usually through their contacts and a telephone. They have records of the young girls and boys whom they match according to the socio-economic status. These days religious sect has also been added to the mix. After theregular practices of displaying the girl with the tea-tray these women assist in setting up the economic transactions. Yes, the financial part that forms an integral part of marriages in this community. The amount of dowry, whether or not the girl gets a house, the amount of gold and the gifts each side gets are all documented. Let's have a look at what all involves these economic transactions. In the cases where the girl'sparents are willing to buy the house, the location and the money cap for the house is settled. Add to that the furnishing, the kitchen appliances, the utensils, the clothes, the jewelry etc are all the expenses paid by the girl's parents. In some cases the girl's parents even provide three months of grocery to the couple. Some jewelry is given to the bride from the groom's side, but that is in effect returned to them in the form of gold coins and other gifts popularly termed as Mora and Chera.
I wouldn't insult the readers intellect by pointing out to the monetary cost of all these expenses. Enter, the lady brokers, whose service charges are paid as percentages of the dowry that has been decided. Interestingly this is again paid only by the girl's side. Given the large amount of transactions involved, these women make quite a lot of money. Without any logistical costs this untaxed income has made some of these women quiterich.
Let us see what role Jamat plays in all this drama. The girl whose parents pay such a huge price to get married receives a fixed amount of money in the form of Meher, which is the only financial guarantee. The amount of Meher, which under Islamic laws must be in accordance with the groom's financial situation is usually kept shamelessly low. The other Pakistani laws that guarantee some extent of security to the girl are struck off with a stamp pasted on them that says 'According to the laws of Bantva Jamat'. The laws of the Jamat are governed by a few bearded men who claim to be acting under Sharia law. The truth however is far from that. Many marital disputes that are taken to the Jamat, are usually settled in such a manner that afflicted party is almost always the woman.
Most women are housewives in this community, and therefore economically dependent upon the husband.The cultural underpinnings that reign the societal norms expect utmost subserviencefrom the wife leaving her powerless. The gold jewelry she has, is expected to be utilized when her own daughters get married. So, in case of any serious illnesses or sudden need of money she is at the mercy of the husband.
The husband starts a household with a well-furnished room/housewith his new bride has also received expensive gifts such as watches, clothes etc. Interestingly he is so incapacitated that he cannot afford to bear expenses of his own child. Yes, at the birth of first child the girl's parents are again obligated to give the baby clothes, toys, and gold coins. Gifts are also given to the son-in -law and the paternal aunts and uncles of the newborn.
Such is the norm of this community. Sadly a sacred bond like marriage is so badly manipulated that it has become a social and economic contract rather than a bond of love and mutual respect. Successful as they may be in their endurance and longevity, these marriages are utter failures of love.
As much as we condemn these practices, nothing can be changed unless the attitude of the men changes. These men will have to realize that they are not 'Up -for-Sale' and they must trust their own abilities. The entrepreneurial memons who have made th marital contract, a financial transaction, must understand that foundations of such relationships cannot be laid on money. They need to be built around respect, trust and most importantly Love...
Here is hoping that things will be different for the coming generations, when marriages can be based on love. But, until that happens ...there is no love..
- Sumrin Imran
